Finality

Things keep happening and I am in no position to stop them. This is a troubling fact that I have slowly come to terms with over the last two weeks. So much has happened.

Right now, of course, I am sitting at my desk, where I have spent a significant portion of the last 3 days. Having nothing to do has left me quite confused and aimless. I am hoping that I develop a method of coping with this free time - also known commonly as a "hobby." I would not be opposed to exercise being part of this hobby.

The Senior Design Show is tomorrow. I am both excited and relieved, as it is - even moreso than graduation - the final rite of passage at this school. Senior design was certainly an adventure; one that more than taught its intended lessons. I have learned an incredible amount both as an engineer and as a team member. The hardships encountered have left me with a bit more trust in my own abilities than I had before. The system works.

I went to my last Milwaukee show with Steph and Jake. We saw The Tallest Man On Earth at the Pabst. Having never heard of TTMoE before the show on Tuesday, I was pleasantly surprised and blown away by the performance. The whole band is just one guy playing guitar like it was breathing. The music was incredible, as was his interaction with the audience. It was all simply breathtaking and incredibly calming.

I bought Mass Effect 2 last week and I haven't stopped playing it yet. Something about the Mass Effect universe sucks me in. I'm still sad about losing my two characters from ME1, but it's not quite worth it to me to re-buy ME1 and play through it 2+ times just to get a character in ME2. I'm doing just fine with the clean slate. Still, I will be safeguarding my ME2 characters in preparation for ME3. I'm just saying.

People keep saying goodbye; I wish they would stop. Honestly, I'm just not sure what to say to people. Goodbye, maybe I'll see you again someday? It seems insincere, but I have no better time frame. Who knows when I will be back here again, and if everyone will still be here? I don't like these implied promises; I feel as though I am letting people down implicitly. I mean, yes, I will miss people - lots of them - but I'm just not sure how to say goodbye. Millions of people do this every day, I'm sure I won't screw it up too badly.

I'm trying to use Google Chrome as my primary browser for a while, just to see what it's like. The first thing that's tipped me in Chrome's favour is the Google-built extensions for Gmail, Reader, Voice, and Wave. Live notifications from inside the browser without taking up screen space: it is marvelous. And, speaking of screen space, Chrome gets me about half a toolbar more screen, and tab tearing works far better (YouTube videos don't reset, hooray!). But we'll see how it goes. I feel like I'm betraying Mozilla - my browser of choice since... I started on the internet (Netscape forever!) - but Firefox has gotten a bit chubby and crashy lately. Chrome now has all the extensions I need (Mouse Gestures, adblock, userscripts) so my last excuse for not trying it full-time disappeared. I'm so soaked into the Google ecosystem that it's not worth fighting it - Google owns me online, and I am ok with it. For now.

I'm covering for my fear right now with technical talk and video games. I'm aware of it, though, so I guess that's good. I have no qualms about admitting that I am terrified. I'm just going to act confident with the hopes of convincing myself.

On a whim, TC and Heather and I are heading for Washington DC next week, as a sort-of going away trip. It'll make my last two weeks in the midwest more hectic, but the trip promises to be more than worth it. And I need to get better about doing things. I'm going to need all of you to remind me to get out of my house and do new things when I move. That's my biggest fear.

I want my grades. I am quite sure I'm going to meet my personal goal for college, but it'd be nice to know for sure. I've been working my ass off for four years now. I believe I'm a better person for it. At least, I hope I am.

I'm not looking forward to moving twice in under a month. My plan is basically to unpack as little as I can while home. I haven't many things left at the house, so hopefully there will be little to pack. I cannot express how excited I am to have my own room. I have covered this previously. I'm going to sleep terribly while at home; I always do. It is a byproduct of not fitting anymore. I've been gone so long now that I have no bed, no place of my own left in the house - as well it should be. I am old enough to be moving on now. There are little things that bother me, though. Birthdays were never too big of a deal - phone calls have sufficed in the past and will in the future. I worry about family holidays - missing Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving, and so forth. I have been blessed with living close enough to my aunts and uncles to see them and my cousins a few times a year. I don't know how often I'll get back now. At least for Christmas, I hope. Really, the biggest nagging at my mind is the Chicago Auto Show, the long-running tradition in my family. Maybe I'll come back. Flights can't be that expensive, especially if I fly into MKE. Regardless, I'm being led, and so things will continue to progress, as they always do.

Ok, children, I have to run away to bed. Tomorrow will be along day of milling about in a suit talking about the project we have dedicated nine months of our life to. Our child, as it were.