Inconvenience

I really want to be all moody and dark and mysterious for whatever reason.

I find the task of searching for a place to live more exhausting than nearly anything else. Despite only actually looking at one place today, I felt overwhelmed and frustrated almost immediately. I don't like having to compromise and budget and plan ahead. The thought of having to physically move again terrifies me. It's become less of a value proposition than originally intended; it's now become all about convenience and time savings.

I keep thinking I'm going to suddenly return to writing decently. I never factor in the self-imposed lack of excitement in my life. I don't know if excitement is necessary, but conflict certainly helps. Conflict about things more serious than housing choices, anyhow. I also lack motivation for, well, anything, but that seems like it is a different problem. They're likely related.

I seem to have done something horrible to my thumb by compulsively cracking it. I have this whole pile of easily-solved problems that I would much rather complain about ad nauseum. Woe is me, I have ample resources to solve all of my problems if I were able to muster the motivation. Which, I suppose, is to say that I have a whole hill of easily-solved problems and one near-impossible task on which they are queuing.

I am, without a doubt, the largest inconvenience to myself.

I hate Sunday nights. Every time 9pm on a Sunday rolls around, I feel a sudden regret for all the things I could have done but didn't. I might consider killing someone if it meant I could work four tens rather than five eights. I can't fathom why, in a nation so supposedly advance as the US of A, companies hate their employees to such a degree. Other, more civilized places (ones where people can get healed from a sickness without losing their homes) afford their workers minimum amounts of vacation - appreciable amounts, even. There are only two things that really prevent me from moving to Europe, or even the frozen dreamland that is Canada - I don't know the language and everyone I love is here.

I mean, for fuck's sake, even China (11 days) has more mandated vacation time than the US (none). It explains a lot about our culture, where hating your job is in vogue. I'll have to work in one place for five years before I get another five days of vacation. I'd love to see the world while I'm young, but there really isn't any way for me to have both the time and the disposable income to do it here. Germany gets 20 days minimum; the UK 28. Then again, the US government - on all levels - seems to show nothing but disdain for the common worker, so I can't say I'm surprised by the poor state of things. Also, I'd like to see healthcare get taken care of before we move on to vacation time - I can work a little harder if it means all of us can get some decent healthcare.

I should just learn to stop complaining.