Today has been mixed. Honestly, this whole week has been exhausting. It's quickly getting to be the end of Sunday and I'm starting to feel panicked about having to get up tomorrow morning and appear cheerful at work. I've been getting this way more and more lately - afraid of the end of the weekends. I don't know why or what it is that's changed, but I don't like it. Fear feels like the wrong emotion. Then again, I don't know what it's supposed to be. I've just been exhausted and scatterbrained; unable to concentrate on anything (with the exception of Portal 2) in weeks now.I've been spending more time than I should on reddit and making excuses to socialize in order to avoid doing, well, anything.
But what good is complaining. I have plenty of worrying that I could be doing instead. Though I am somewhat excited by the prospect of a three-day work week followed by a few days of ice cream and bed rest (and prescription painkillers), I am worried already about the anesthetization involved in having my wisdom teeth out. I don't like not being in control - I'm just barely hanging onto some shred of dignity normally; I shudder to think what I'll do when I'm totally fried like that. I don't even like getting drunk for fear of losing control. What is done is done, I suppose.
This morning (is it really Easter? Doesn't feel like it) was bad enough - a harrowing tale in which I started playing the wrong song at the wrong tempo to open up a 9.30am Easter Morning church service while the rest of the band stared at me in horror. People in the crowd claimed they couldn't tell, but I was well aware of my mistakes. Everybody, as I am told, gets one. The rest of the morning went better, but I was still shaken to the point where I wasn't able to find a groove and really get back into playing. I was shaky at best.
I should write a Portal 2 review separate from this angsty post because it really was the best game I have ever played.
I did get my new drums and, though I haven't put in the time yet to set them up perfectly, I find myself liking them quite a bit. I ended up with an Alesis DM10 Studio kit; the 2011 edition with the 4-post rack. Most of my worries about switching to electronic drums for practicing have mostly faded away; the Alesis pads feel pretty good and, as a bonus, use standard drum heads so I can tighten and loosen them as I see fit. I am still thinking I'll follow one of the many tutorials I've found to convert them to mesh heads both for the sake of noise and for feel. It's not all roses, though; I had intended to get the Blue Jay sound pack as well, since I don't really need or want all of the world percussion or electronics (or cartoon noises), but I learned that the set didn't have variable hi-hat voices. I'm getting very particular, of course, and I am confident most of you don't care. It is sufficient to say that I am very pleased with my drums so far; especially for the price compared to what else I could have gotten.
What else, what else. Mostly just my lack of motivation.
I am ready to live closer to work and friends, but I still dread the thought of moving. I have so many things that I might someday want to use that I now have to pack up and move someplace else, being careful to not break anything in the process. Fortunately, I have a number of friends who are more than happy to help - and for this I am eternally grateful. Emotional trauma - such as that experienced by the exceedingly peculiar when being forced to move - is best when shared among friends.
I've now had pinkeye twice in three weeks; today should wrap up the 7 days of post-symptom treatment. I'll be holding on tightly to my bottle of prescription eye drops in case my left eye decides to try to build an army of orcs again.
Last weekend, I should mention, was decidedly exciting. I took off work on Friday to fly up to Hartford and help Tim pick out tuxes for his wedding in August. It was an excellent trip during which I was, among other things, a bad influence, exposed to new musical styles, and introduced to some interesting (and from my point of view, glamourous) people. It was a nice vacation, and visiting a best friend can never be considered a bad thing. We decided on brown tuxes (there were no grey), but the bride makes the final decision. I was also brought along to a very unique percussion concert at Hartt that left me feeling somewhat elated. I then partied the night away (in the tamest sense of the word) with composers and musicians and felt very left out of their artistic world which I so envy whenever I get near enough to it.
The sudden outbreak of weddings (and by 'outbreak' I mean two weddings and a proposal) has me thinking. Both couples have assured me I can bring a date; an offer which has made me laugh. It's strange, people expect you to be with someone. To be alone is somehow abnormal now at this age. I remember in high school it was the other way around - even in college, for the most part. I'm not sure when the switch happened, but I certainly missed it. Not that I lament the fact - I've gotten quite good at being single without slipping into the forever alone mindset - but it is curious how just a few months affects general expectations.
Seriously, the Cr-48 needs a delete key. And end/home keys. And a better trackpad. It was free; I should stop complaining about it.
It's starting to get hot in Carolina; I haven't yet decided when I'll break down and turn my air conditioning on. If it stays in the 80s, it will probably be soon. The new apartment will be nicer in that regard; 300 fewer square feet and it's all on one floor. My bedroom should be less of a sauna. I am excited to live on the third floor and have windows in my room as well; I only have the one window in my bathroom for now and it doesn't give me much airflow. I know; first world problems.
I need to start writing again; but I haven't been either happy or sad enough lately, and nobody wants to hear songs about how I can't write songs. It's just too meta.
1 comments:
I had my wisdom teeth out and being out is far from dangerous. It's nothing like being drunk, because you really can't do anything (although I sometimes wish alcohol had that effect on most college students)
Think of it as an induced nap, followed by some painkillers. I was lucky enough to not get much swelling or pain for that matter. I also wasn't allowed to take the generic vicodin because Mom said I was "loopy".
...like I'm not normally loopy.
The world is such a large place, and it's getting ever more connected. We hear about these revolutions, and are told about how insolvent the US is. It's a lot to read about. I do my best to take solace in what I have here, and the tasks I can put my fullest effort toward.
I also agree, being single can be a drag.
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