It's probably my own fault; I do have that funny problem where talking to people about my thoughts makes them not want to talk to me anymore. Moderation is a not-insignificant problem for me in this arena, I guess.
I find that, as a rule, making mistakes is more exciting than doing everything the right way. The problem is, at what point do you realize that you have made too many mistakes? It's a fine line between having an accidental adventure and harming yourself and others.
I learned that, contrary to my beliefs about myself, I can summon a monumental amount of self-control if a situation calls for it. I am capable of ignoring the actions my mind tells me to take in favour of more reserved actions. I cannot, however, stop my mind from imagining scenarios live and in colour, complete with moments of vivid daydreams interspersed with real life. That my mind will, without any warning, suddenly switch back and forth between a dream sequence and real life is a troubling reality.
Then again, reality itself is often troubling.
I don't like secrets. I mean, I love knowing things that are secret - it's a guilty pleasure - but learning things that I'm not supposed to tell anyone else generally ends poorly. It's not that I'm bad at keeping secrets; it's more that I want to know too much. I don't just want to know your secret, I want to know about it, I want the specifics, I want to know how it affects you and me and everyone else. Most people don't like to be interviewed about their secrets, though. It must just be hard enough to tell them. I try not to have too many secrets. I have things I'd rather not talk about, but generally enough people know that it can't be considered a secret.
I do wish, though, that people would be more blunt. I only like coy games up until a point. No, I can't guess what you want me to know, so how about you just tell me and we'll both know? It's more efficient. It lets you have more time with the information than without it.
Of course, the games can be fun too. A good game can build electricity like wool socks on a carpet in the winter. The sparks and the magnetism are undeniably thrilling, but the shock at the end has the potential either to be wholly exhilarating or completely destructive. It's a gamble - one we take only because the buildup is so terribly euphoric. Regardless of how a situation may end, that process of building up electricity, feeling a little jolt at a touch, hearing your heart beat faster, constantly trying to outsmart is unmatched by anything I, at least, have ever felt. I love the back-and-forth of it all, the growing energy feeding off one another, the eventual meltdown when it becomes too much.
I may be getting too personal and introspective.
On a completely unrelated but just as emotionally important note, I finally got my headphones, the ones that I've been dreaming about for three years. Long story short, they are everything I wanted them to be. It's amazing to, after 23 years, finally have in-ears that fit and seal properly. I know the rest of you have been making do with universals, but I have abnormally tiny ear canals (my audiologist confirmed my suspicions) and have never had in-ear headphones that fit properly. I've been loving my Sennheiser HD-555s for a bit over a year now, especially after making a few modifications to them, but my JHAudio JH13's are in a completely different universe. I could talk about headphones all day if you let me. You probably shouldn't.
I should start packing for this move. Half my house is already at the new apartment; I don't have much to eat here besides off-brand Lucky Charms, orange juice, and some mike&ike that I bought because I needed to break a 20.
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